Some minutes before giving up

  You keep losing yourself over and over again. No one sees you. No one understands. No one's there for you. You just run away from everyone and pretend that you're just confused or tired or sad and shit, yeah, "everything will be better tomorrow". But tomorrow never comes. 
  I have never felt free for I'm always trapped inside myself. It's like myself's trying to break free of my body and my thoughts are about to jump out of my head, they're haunting me. I can't see that paradise in my eyes anymore, I'm afraid to look at the mirror, damn, it's like he's always laughing at me.
  Nobody wants to see me, everyone's gone and I'm feeling so fucking alone and unhappy. I'm always laughing out loud, so loud that nobody can hear me crying inside. Do you fucking know how it's like to wanna surrender? To wanna give everything up, to just accept your defeat and get lost in a body that doesn't belong to you anymore?
  That, little girl, is the sound of your pretending, lies, the smell of your fake smiling eyes. You've turned into a totally cunfused and depressed person, that's not you, that's them, make them leave, don't carry them inside. Stuck inside that fucking sorrow and can't run away, you just walk in the pitch dark with your eyes closed going nowhere.
  I got nothing. I got things and people that don't deserve someone like me. It's always about pain and pain and pain and pain, so much pain. I can't escape myself, I need someone to set me free, someone to look me in the eyes and truly see me. I'm screaming inside, can't you fucking hear me? 
  I'm sorry for not being around for a long time. I can't come back yet. I'm not leaving, I'm not running away, I wish I could. I'm just going for a walk. A walk to think, a walk to forget, a walk to find myself. I hope that it won't take that long.

  So, girl, what are your plans now, huh?

If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anybody care?
If my time was up I'd wanna know
you were happy I was there
If I wasn't here tomorrow, would anyone lose sleep?
If I wasn't hard and hollow
then maybe you would miss me

I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone
someone that I'd like better
I can never forget
so don't remind me of it forever

What if I just pulled myself together?
Would it matter at all?
What if I just tried not to remember?
Would it matter at all?
All the chances that have passed me by
Would it matter if I gave it
one more try?
Would it matter at all?

Can you help me forget? Don't wanna feel like this forever